Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
