This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
