Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
