My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
