When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
