I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My pussy is not your playground.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
