yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
