Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Randomize
