Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
