I love black thongs
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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