Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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