I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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