I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
