better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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