Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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