I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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