just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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