I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
