oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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