Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
