Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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