I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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