I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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