I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize