i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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