I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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