So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
