I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
COCAINE IS GR8
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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