I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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