i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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