she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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