I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
