how can u be prego again
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
