So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
