hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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