he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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