I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
