toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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