Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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