Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
