My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
