I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
