honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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