just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize