remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
