I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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