My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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