Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
