please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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