I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
