You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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