Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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