During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize