"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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