I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
FUCK WHALES
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
