Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
