You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
