I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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