I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
