Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
