no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
