I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
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